Archive for December, 2005


Stockholm December 27, 2005

As I mentioned before this is a very beautiful city, it has certain coziness about it. Very gentle on the eyes and the scale is very human, one does not feel dwarfed here by high rise buildings, it is a kind and calming milieu, even the fire trucks, ambulances, and police car sirens are set at a very soft but function level, even the subway is quite! Anyone who has spent anytime in NYC can attest to the screeching assaulting sounds of the underground, here it is very quite and calm. The busses are ergonomic, you need only lift your foot an inch to step on and off the bus, it actually kneel towards the curb.

So the question is why are the Swedes so pushy and impatient?

I don’t get it! They short circuit standing online and have to cut in front of you if they feel you are not moving fast enough to their liking. I am not a dawdler! They talk during movies and bump into on the sidewalk!!

Swedes also love a good bargain, they are the thriftiest of people and they use and save every scrap of food imaginable.

Observations;

When walking around town it is more common to see young fathers with their children than young mothers.

I have seen approximately 3 Scarlet Johansson look a likes per day and one Paris Hilton. Many people here look like they eat too many potatoes and white food (which they do).

I find the Swedes to be racists.

Sweden is no longer the Naive Country it has been. Burglaries and armed robberys are commonplace as is rape. Rape is attributed to “outlanders” who culturally want their women to be virgins when married and as Swedish women are not sexually repressed they can be used against their own will for sex.

Most young people her want to be “cool” and have adopted some of the dumber fashion statements I have seen come out of America- like baggy pants that look like you took a dump in them.

Swedes love Tapas and Sushi you see at least three variations of these style restaurants per two square blocks.

I am slowly going MAD from the lack of daylight and the white and brown food. I have two nights left and I am ready to go. I feel as if I never wake up and it feels like the middle of the night starting at 4PM until you go to bed.

Stockholm 2005 December 20

I arrived to the airport over an hour before I needed to so I called Amelia and she came and picked me up, I took her to breakfast at 13 Coins. When I got back to the airport I had plenty of time to go through security where there were Christmas Carolers in period costuming singing “Jingle Bell Rock” an odd combination. I saw Mr. Nilsson! Yes indeed, there he was going through security! Pippi Longstocking’s little side kick -a monkey- well this Mr. Nilsson belonged to two cute queens who were headed to Denver, if I remember correctly with their 8 month old monkey for the holidays. As I came down the escalator to get on the train to the S Gate my eyes were treated to a vision of six lovely Korean stewardi for Asiana Airlines in their very chic topeish uniforms. Their hats had a detail on the back that made me think of a temple. They were darling and very modest about my compliments.

I get on plane after doing last minute e-mail, as I know that Internet access will be a challenge once I get to Stockholm. Board the flight sit next to a young lady who is flying home to Ghana for a month on school break from Reed where she is studying Bioengineering. I watch, A Good Woman, Little Manhattan (too cute), The Boston Strangler, and Four Brothers 1 and a half times to get my Marky Mark fix. Slept maybe an hour, and land in Amsterdam at 7:45 AM where the sun has not risen as yet, it finally did at 8:45 AM. I go to the transfer counter where my eyes are treated to a sea of Nordic blue and Navy. I find it comforting that their uniforms blend in perfectly with the early morning sky that frames them from behind through the glass. Are the Europeans always so smart to play off nature in this way? Is that why I find there design palette so pleasing and comforting? There are priests who are either Greek Orthodox or Russian Orthodox in their black floor length gowns and round little hats. Long white beards and hair in a chignon no less.

Walk to the other end of airport to board the flight to Stockholm. Feeling weary as I sip my tea and drink a yogurt. There is a man waiting for the same flight who is in a complete sweat, dose he have a fever? Is he in withdrawal? Is he just an unfortunate sweaty guy? I decided I do not want to stand near him and hope he is not going to be in the seat next to me on the flight, as I really do not want to get ill. I have been fighting a damn cold for days and am pickled with the concoction I have been downing for the last four days- Airborne, Elderberry, and Astragals every three hours, with lots and lots of water.

I fake sleep for the hour and 50 minute flight to Sweden. There is a break in the cloud coverage and it is beautiful to see the flat land with the slight gentle bumps here and there with farms scattered here and there with very slight snow coverage. It is so pretty as you look at the landscape you can see how the glaciers dragged there way down this land leaving trenches, and rock out croppings. It is a very harsh but beautiful landscape.

There is now a train that travel into Stockholm which lets me know that it has been at least 8 years since I was here last- as that is when the train was added- it takes 20 minutes and I am at the Centralstationen the central train station in town. I get off and walk down the walkway and in the distance see someone who is unmistakably my Aunt. I can tell from 20 feet way that she is my relation as we bear many similar physical traits.
The last time I was in Stockholm I had recently fallen very much in love with Tsilke and was having the hardest time coming out to my Aunt. She kept asking me during my stay if I was dating anyone and wasn’t I lonely for a companion? But her questions and reference to this always had a male gender attached to it and I kept wanting to try to tell her in a casual way that I had fallen in love with a woman, I found the whole situation so overwhelming I ended up never telling her. Hence she has never know about what ended up being a five year long relationship with many plot twists and turns- but that is another story in and of itself. Oh Well! I was a chicken and what I get for not being more open to my family is that they really don’t know me. That being said I have so many things to come out about to my family I don’t know where to start. Bottom line I have always felt that they don’t really want to know.

Stockholm is one of the prettiest cities. The architecture is beautiful and the colors of the buildings as so pleasing to the eye, soft yellow, burnt orange and the classic Swedish green.This time of year when the sun is going down at 3:15 the houses have a warm glow to them and appear as gingerbread houses with the Jul lights a glow.

World AIDS Day

Dear Diary,

Today is World AIDS Day and I find particular irony about this as I just found out that one of my cats has FIV -Feline AIDS, not even cats are safe in this world.

Usually I don’t really talk about this subject, but I guess today is the day for me to do that. If you have ever read my bio you will see that I refer to myself, as a “survivor of the East Village 80′s” and what I mean when I say that, is I literally survived the bio warfare of AIDS on that community. It was also prevalent in the community I became a part of when I moved back to in Seattle in 86. I spent my late 20′s and early 30′s going to funerals.

I have never been an IV drug user, but some of my friends were, but most of the people I knew would seroconvert because of sexual contact. We did have a lot of fun back then and there was a lot of cross-pollination so to say, but it took its toll as we all know. I lost most of my very dear friends from this time period including a few lovers and my husband and father of my child. They were some of the most brilliant and talented people I have ever had the pleasure to meet and they continue to inspire me creatively and spiritually.

Our communities became grief stricken and I know many still suffer greatly from the magnatude of loss; I miss all the bright and vibrant people that have passed on. At times I feel lonely and guilty for still being alive. No one experiences loss on that level without some sort of spiritual trauma and epiphany. I became depressed, angry, and withdrawn, I didn’t want to meet new people, but I grew and learned to appreciate the gift of life so much more, as I understand all too well how temporal it all is. I now feel is it my job and responsibility to bring love, beauty, joy, support, respect and tolerance into this world, and do all the things my friends no longer can. It has become my job to help combat all the hatred and fear which is all too prevalent in this world. When I think of our the current political situation with its’ fundamentalist leanings, I get sick to my stomach and get on-line to see who I can lobby to protect us freedom loving, nature caring, compassionate people including the plants and animals! Hey we all live on the same place.

I used to be very active in fundraising for AIDS organizations and education, but I became overloaded emotionally. But before I did you could find me handing out bleach and condoms at the bars I worked in. When emceeing shows I would pull out condoms wanting to encourage people to have fun and play with them, I would pull them over my head to demonstrate how much they really could accommodate to dispel the myth that “my dick is too big for a condom”. People who do not practice safe sex are selfish and are not worthy of sharing you physically; well that is my opinion any way. The good side to all of this is that I have seen many people in my community become more responsible, sincere, compassionate and caring in how they deal with each other and their sexuality. We have learned from a very high price that there are consequences.

I have deep gratitude that the medical field has made some advances to help those who continue to live with HIV and AIDS; I have a handful of friends who are here right now because of it. It must be hard for them living an existence of eating pills, but I am thankful that we can still spend time together. There were a few dark times for me when announcements would come out about new drugs and all I could think about was, it is all too little too late! But my heart is more open these days with appreciation.

I want to spend this day remembering and thinking about what joy these people gave me, and how I can best honor them by living a good and conscientious life!

There is a little fear in naming names, as I am sure I will overlook someone. But here are a few of the people who were near and dear to me and have made a life long impression-

Michael Norman aka Tanya Ransom, Dan Haight, Ethyl Eichelberger, Wilfredo, Larry Ray aka Madame,John Sex, Lari Shox, Klaus Nomi, Bobby Bradley, Huck Snyder,Ann Craig, Darrick Saffery, Justin Odo, Chuck Smith, Brian Damage, Charles Garrish aka Up Chuck, Tom Rubnitz, Tron Von Hollywood, Howie Montague, Mark Oats, Rolf, Chris, Tom, John, Dominick, and there are so many more.

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